guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
