Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize