I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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