I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
