Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
