The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There r osticjed everywhere
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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