Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
