happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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