Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i would one night stand the shit outta him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
