That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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