hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
