I wish my penis had an off switch
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize