He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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