the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found puke in my bra..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize