He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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