fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
