We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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