remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
