Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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