Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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