Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
