I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
