I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
