i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
