I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
