Got a toothbrush?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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