I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
did i walk over a car last night?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
