Sober January is a disaster.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
