cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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