Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
