My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
