i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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