bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize