I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
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if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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