just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i dont even know how to be here
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
