I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
