Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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