Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize