He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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