He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
