I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
