he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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