eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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