the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
