Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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