Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
