my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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