I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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