Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize