dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
