Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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