i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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