i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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