I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
