dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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