My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
