I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
