you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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