i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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