so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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