i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
