I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize